<p>Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them? Throw her in the brig. It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. Also he got a race car. Is any of this getting through to you? Say what? Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of 'will'?</p>
<p>I've got to find a way to escape the horrible ravages of youth. Suddenly, I'm going to the bathroom like clockwork, every three hours. And those jerks at Social Security stopped sending me checks. Now 'I'' have to pay ''them'! Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them? When will that be? Is today's hectic lifestyle making you tense and impatient?</p>